The Unapologetic Woman: What Travel Teaches Me About Saying Less and Taking Up More Space

The Chronic Apology Habit (And Why We Can’t Stop)

Let’s start with this: apologizing isn’t bad. It’s a beautiful, connective, vulnerable act, when it’s real.

But when you’ve been raised to believe your feelings are “too much,” your needs are “inconvenient,” and your very existence should take up as little space as possible? That “I’m sorry” becomes a nervous tic. A permission slip. A preemptive strike against rejection.

In the U.S., women are trained in apology like some kids are trained in piano: early, intensely, and with performance expectations. We apologize when we're late, when we're early, when we ask for help, when we dare to have an opinion, when we pass someone in the grocery store aisle. It's less a word, more a nervous system chant: "Please still like me. I promise I’m not a problem."

What I see abroad, particularly in the Netherlands, is something else entirely: people not apologizing for existing, not overexplaining, not rushing to fill silences or prove worth through performance.

Just. Being. There.

And no one seemed offended.
No one clutched their pearls.
No one yelled “Unladylike!”

Which got me thinking…

Rest Without Guilt Is a Form of Rebellion

I don’t need to tell you we’re burned out.
Or that we live in a culture that glorifies productivity and treats exhaustion like a merit badge.

But in places like Amsterdam, people stopped and sat without scrolling. I saw businesses close early just because… it was enough for the day. I saw mental spaciousness modeled like it was no big deal.

It made me realize how deeply we’ve internalized the idea that rest must be earned. That leisure is lazy. That unless our nervous systems are fried and our inboxes cleared, we don’t deserve to pause.

But what if that’s just capitalism talking?

What if slowing down is sacred?
What if rest isn’t a luxury, it’s a strategy?
What if not doing is a radical act of trust?

How to Unlearn Urgency and Take Up More Space (Without Burning It All Down)

You don’t need to move to a sleepy European town or throw your phone in a canal to shift your relationship to space, worth, and rest.

Try these small shifts:

Change “I’m sorry” to “thank you.”
Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” try “Thanks for your patience.” It centers gratitude and stops the performance of guilt.

Leave silences intact.
Resist the urge to fill every pause with words. Practice being okay with the quiet. You don’t have to entertain, explain, or fix the energy.

Pause before over-explaining.
Ask yourself: “Am I sharing because it’s true and necessary, or because I’m afraid I’ll be misunderstood or judged?” Let that guide what stays and what softens.

Reclaim 10 minutes of nothing.
Each day, do absolutely nothing for 10 minutes. No phone. No goal. Just be. It will feel wildly uncomfortable at first. That’s part of the unlearning.

Write a Not-An-Apology affirmation.
Something like:

“I’m allowed to exist here fully.”
“I don’t have to be less to belong.”
“Stillness is not wasted.”
Say it out loud like your nervous system’s listening—because it is.

Being abroad always reminds me of something essential: we were never meant to prove our worth 24/7.

You are not a brand.
You are not a machine.
You are not a problem to fix.

You are a human, worthy of space, silence, stillness, and sovereignty.

So here’s your permission slip to say less.
To be slower.
To unapologetically take up your damn space.

When women stop rushing, shrinking, and apologizing for being exactly as they are,

That’s not just healing.
That’s revolution.